Ughhh...

Last night he comes home, yelling and screaming at me that I took money out of the account. He gave me 25 bucks for two weeks. WTF am I gonna do with 25 when he knows that I have to go food shopping AND I have the reunion on Friday. Then he went on to say that he needs money for food while at work during the week. He refuses to buy stuff for me to make sandwiches, I'll cook extra at dinner time so he can take food to work the next day and he doesn't. He's a selfish mother fucker and it's all about him.

I decided I'm going to go back to being a security guard if I have to and go back to work. I need to get out of this shithole. I've had it with him not helping with anything, not with the kids, with laundry, with cleaning, with NOTHING. The other night he pinned me down and would not get off of me. Lately he's been doing that a lot.

It's brought back flashbacks of being raped. I've been scared to go out, especially to even go into Flushing because that's where the fucking rape occured. Every time I go to where he picked me up I start freaking out and getting paranoid that he's still out there and he will try to pick me up again or pick up some other chick and rape her. I'm tired of it. I wish there was a way of having it all go away.

I talked to M last night and she wants all of us to go out on friday after the reunion, I think I'm ok with that, especially knowing that A will be there. A is someone I can trust completely and he will make sure that I do end up back home if we all end up drunk. K&M were not here this weekend and I think that the asshole took it as an opportunity to fight with me. His stinky ass didn't shower for a few days, so last night I got pissed and told him if he didn't shower, then I'm going to sleep on the futon, so he did. I think I'm going to start sleeping on the futon anyway. He's a disgusting, selfish, pig who only thinks about himself and not about his family at all.