So I know I haven't posted in forever....

I know I haven't really posted what's been going on in forever.

Truth is, I've been really busy and we recently moved so things have been crazier than ever. I feel lonely. I don't know anyone out here and this is not really the place to "make Friends". I really don't know what to think at this point, except that, I miss being in a relationship. I miss feeling loved, being pampered, having someone to sleep next to and being held every night. I miss feeling like I'm coming home to someone. I miss being loved. I started to have that again with someone that I thought loved me, but I've come to the realization that he doesn't love me the way I love him and I don't know what to do about it. I'm scared to be alone and I don't want to let go. I can talk to him about anything. Honestly, I can tell him absolutely anything in the world, do anything in the world around him, and I feel 100 percent comfortable. But he doesn't love me.

For example, Last week I fracture my foot and since then, he hasn't been the same. He's been very cold and distant, and I can't handle it. It's like he's afraid to touch me cause I'm hurt, and right now, I'm more vulnerable than ever. I NEED him, I need his love, I need all of him. I feel like complete and total shit. On top of that, with all that's happened, I feel like I'm entering a stage of depression. I don't know what to do. I really don't.

The kids on the other hand are doing very well, with the exception of how M behaves at times, but boys will be boys. K is doing very well in school and goes to Kindergarten in September. I knwo, I know, the years have really flown by. I wish that someone could just tell me what to do. People around me are saying that I'm being selfish in feeling this way, but I feel like there's more to it. It's not that I don't love my kids, I do. It's not that I'm lazy, ignorant, or anything like that. It's that physically, I have Fibromyalgia, which we've known for a while now, I have a form of Arthritis, in which we don't know exactly what kind yet, my thyroid has been out of whack, and well, I've been stressed with the divorce and all. So how on earth can I handle all of this without loosing it? How? Can someone please tell me? I don't know, I guess life sucks....